Mind Melt

2008-07-23T07:54:00.000-05:00

Wow.

More than a year since I've posted here.

Let's see - I'm still in school, almost done with my MS.

I'm having the damnedest time choosing between going to work or getting my PhD.

I've made both bad and good choices when it comes to women - I'm single now, but not really looking.

Life in Tampa is... tolerable? I wish it was better, but hey - I'm doing okay.

Sometimes, the choices I've made don't seem worth it. Sometimes, I just want to drop it all and run off to see the world, do odd, easy jobs, and help people one at a time. Sometimes, the grand plan doesn't seem so grand or even accessible.

Sometimes, I just want to be Night Owl, not Ozymandias. (Oh god, self-pitying Watchmen reference!)

And here I say I don't understand emo. =P

2007-05-01T17:23:00.000-05:00

Welp.

Sarah and I broke up. Now we're going to dinner.

2007-03-08T15:15:00.000-06:00

Been a while

Yes I'm alive.

No I'm busy.

I have my website finally "updated" - http://mind-melt.com/

Let me know what you think. =D

How's everyone else doing?

I feel: Overworked!

2006-12-24T23:57:00.000-06:00

Thin Blue Flame

A song about faith and heaven - dark and soulful.

Lyrics:

Thin Blue Flame
by: Josh Ritter

I became a thin blue flame
Polished on a mountain range
And over hills and fields I flew
Wrapped up in a royal blue
I flew over Royal City last night
A bullfighter on the horns of a new moon's light
Caesar¹s ghost I saw the war-time tides
The prince of Denmark¹s father still and quiet
And the whole world was looking to get drowned
Trees were a fist shaking themselves at the clouds
I looked over curtains and it was then that I knew
Only a full house gonna make it through

I became a thin blue wire
That held the world above the fire
And so it was I saw behind
Heaven's just a thin blue line
If God's up there he's in a cold dark room
The heavenly host are just the cold dark moons
He bent down and made the world in seven days
And ever since he's been a'walking away
Mixing with nitrogen in lonely holes
Where neither seraphim or raindrops go
I see an old man wandering the halls alone
Only a full house gonna make a home

I became a thin blue stream
The smoke between asleep and dreams
And in that clear blue undertow I saw Royal City far below
Borders soft with refugees
Streets a'swimming with amputees
It's a Bible or a bullet they put over your heart
It's getting harder and harder to tell them apart
Days are nights and the nights are long
Beating hearts blossom into walking bombs
And those still looking in the clear blue sky for a sign
Get missiles from so high they might as well be divine
Now the wolves are howling at our door
Singing bout vengeance like it's the joy of the Lord
Bringing justice to the enemies not the other way round
They're guilty when killed and they're killed where they're found
If what's loosed on earth will be loosed up on high
It's a Hell of a Heaven we must go to when we die
Where even Laurel begs Hardy for vengeance please
The fat man is crying on his hands and his knees
Back in the peacetime he caught roses on the stage
Now he twists indecision takes bourbon for rage
Lead pellets peppering aluminum
Halcyon, laudanum and Opium
Sings kiss thee Hardy this poisoned cup
His winding sheet is busy winding up
In darkness he looks for the light that has died
But you need faith for the same reasons that it's so hard to find
And this whole thing is headed for a terrible wreck
And like good tragedy that's what we expect

At night I make plans for a city laid down
Like the hips of a girl on the spring covered ground
Spirals and capitals like the twist of a script
Streets named for heroes that could almost exist
The fruit trees of Eden and the gardens that seem
To float like the smoke from a lithium dream
Cedar trees growing in the cool of the squares
The young women walking in the portals of prayer
And the future glass buildings and the past an address
And the weddings in pollen and the wine bottomless
And all wrongs forgotten and all vengeance made right
The suffering verbs put to sleep in the night
The future descending like a bright chandelier
And the world just beginning and the guests in good cheer
In Royal City I fell into a trance
Oh it's hell to believe there ain't a hell of a chance

I woke beneath a clear blue sky
The sun a shout the breeze a sigh
My old hometown and the streets
I knew Were wrapped up in a royal blue
I heard my friends laughing out across the fields
The girls in the gloaming and the birds on the wheel
The raw smell of horses and the warm smell of hay
Cicadas electric in the heat of the day
A run of Three Sisters and the flush of the land
And the lake was a diamond in the valley's hand
The straight of the highway and the scattered out hearts
They were coming together they pulling apart
And angels everywhere were in my midst
In the ones that I loved in the ones that I kissed
I wondered what it was I'd been looking for up above
Heaven is so big there ain't no need to look up
So I stopped looking for royal cities in the air
Only a full house gonna have a prayer

2006-12-19T00:21:00.000-06:00

Ah, nearly a month again.

Excellent.

My folks are in town, sleeping in the next room. I know they mean well, but it's always nerve wracking when they come over - is everything clean? Will they find my DnD books? Will they find other things? What will they think about Sarah keeping stuff here?

*sigh*

I'm almost DONE with work this semester - four days after the semester ended. I still have a make up test to take and projects to finish. However, this semester was actually ridiculously successful, and I feel great about it. This next semester will be a glorious clusterfuck, full of joy and gnashing of teeth. =D

Congradulations to MC on graduating - you are both my shining star and light at the end of the fucking tunnel (is it a train?).

As for the rest of life - things are boring. I am boring. Welp. =(

Now, New Years - I want to have a party, see? So far the plans look like A) First Night for a few hours til about 7 or so (3-7?) then B) Coming back to my place for cookies, cakes, alcohol, and delicious pizza. Oh, party games or whatnot we can pull together. Come up with something interesting or I may have to go out and get a Wii - yes, this is a threat... =P

Or I can get an XBox 360 and Justin and I can ignore everyone all night again as we race to beat Halo 2... again. =( I promise the girl this year will be infinitely better than the girl two years ago. Sarah is a rocking hot lady. =D

2006-11-27T04:16:00.000-06:00

A Graduate School Haiku

Ten things left to do
Again up a five A.M.
Study until dawn

2006-10-31T10:31:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween!

Just a headshot of my costume.

Inspiration!

2006-10-30T05:21:00.000-06:00

JesusLand

Everytime I hear this song, I think about the problems I see in mainstream Christianity. I think this really sums it up.

Jesusland
by Ben Folds

Take a walk
Out the gate you go and never stop
Past dollar stores and wig shops
A quarter in a cup for every block
And watch the buildings grow
Smaller as you go

Down the tracks
Beautiful McMansions on a hill
That overlook a highway
With riverboat casinos and you still
Have yet to see a soul
Jesusland

Town to town
Broadcast to each house
They drop your name
But no one knows your face
Billboards quoting things you'd never say
You hang your head and pray
For Jesusland

Miles and miles
and the sun's going down
Pulses glow from their homes
You're not alone
Lights come on
As you lay your weary head
On their lawn

Parking lots
Cracked and growing grass
You see it all
From offices to farms
Crosses flying high above the malls
Along the walk
Through Jesusland

2006-09-21T13:58:00.000-05:00

Dancing

So I have a question: Is it better to live a life of self-fulfillment - achieving that which you care to achieve, with no regard to whether or not it's the best path? Or is it better to live a life in which you represent the best of your talents and abilities to the rest of the world, and make the world a better place?

I fight with this daily. =(

I feel: Conflicted -_-

2006-09-18T08:13:00.000-05:00

There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet

Please leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and.....

Please leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and.....

When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes, woah-oh
Everything goes according to plan.

I'm the new cancer,
Never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer,
Never looked better and you can't stand it.

Next is a trip to the.. the ladies room in vain and
I bet you just can't keep up(keep up!) with these fashionistas and.
Tonight tonight, you are you are a whispering campaign.
I bet to them, your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like sh--
Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
And keep telling yourself that,"I'm a diva"
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box
On the table, they just so happen to be laced with
Nitroglycerin.

I'm the new cancer,
Never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer,
Never looked better and you can't stand it.

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it.
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it.

And I know and I know, It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course I'll be distracted when I spike the punch. x3

2006-08-24T13:24:00.000-05:00

PERMIS/SSRR Robotics Conference

I flew out of Tallahassee on Sunday to go to Gaithersburg, VA for PERMIS (Performance Metrics for Intelligent Systems Workshop) and SSRR (International Workshop on Safety, Security and Rescue Robotics).

My plane was delayed for about 3 hours in FL, and I finally made it to Atlanta 10 minutes before my next plane was supposed to leave (it was also delayed). I ran my ass off, and was the last person on the plane. It pulled out from the gate about 5 minutes after I sat down. I arrived at BWI in Baltimore at 3:45 AM, got my rental car, and went to a nearby hotel to crash. Why didn't I go to where I'm actually staying? They had lost my luggage.

Anyways, after the craziness, I finally arrived at the conference. I am disappointed by the overall level of the papers/presentations here. There are several papers here that should have never been published (and perhaps mine as well, depending on who you talk to). The split tracks were kind of difficult - I never knew which one to attend, as I exist in both the SSR world as well as the intelligent systems world. Some of the presentations and the plenaries are spectacular though - Hugh Durrant-White, Mike from CMU (Go Stanley!) and the Japanese teams. There were some amazing mechanics displayed as well as some of the new robots and systems. A realtime XRay device that weighs 16 lbs, the NeoMover by IRobot (the big brother of the PackBot), the Boz1, a robot that can tear apart a car, and many others.

The robot testing part was very weak - the tests themselves are suspect, but a good start. My paper was one of the only ones on practical testing recommendations. I did meet quite a few people and have a few brainstorming sessions with folks from other schools.

That's the update. =P

Oh, and I feel better about life. =D

2006-08-06T23:38:00.000-05:00

More...

It's not that I mind the work. I love the work. I just don't feel like I'm really doing anything, and that this may not change.

That's what really bugs me. I want to be doing something I love, something that affects change, and I want to save the world. I see the people at the top in politics or the military dictating the entire future course of research - who gets money and how, etc. Practically all of robotics in America is funded by military dollars - you have to go overseas to see any non-military systems. The most non-military system that's been built? The Roomba, and iRobot LOSES money on that. They had to turn to developing military robots in order to pay the bills.

So what's next? I don't know - graduate with a degree, and go sit in a lab somewhere? I've never been one for sitting around. How hard and what do you need to do to get into politics? Do analysts/support staff have a say in anything? Where does one get money for "smart tools" robotics? What do schools overseas look like? So many questions, no answers, and I have to go study some more bullshit to finish a bullshit paper. =(

2006-08-06T21:19:00.000-05:00

So I am

I'm 24 now, after August 2nd. What did I do for my birthday you ask? Absolutely nothing. =|

I'm busy - super busy as usual. I just can't get my head around everything I have to do, and what I've done. I think today is Sunday, and I know I've got work tomorrow. Past that, everything is pretty much up in the air. I was published for the first time, and I'm going to be published again soon in August. I've got a journal article coming out of this same research as well, probably something that will require a little more research. I've got two (three?) other research projects going - a sensor fusion system and another laser sensor system. Pretty crazy stuff.

I'm just trying to find time in my life for everything. I've been playing a lot of EVE, probably too much (as usual) for a computer game. That quarter-life crisis thing? I'm there. Lots of people are starting their lives, running around and doing "grown up things". I'm still in school, and I've got another three years to get my degree. A degree in something I'm not sure I really, REALLY want to do. I mean, I love robotics. I don't want to be an academic though - the culture is too lax. Lots of things that would never be tolerated fall through the cracks - people don't get paid, parts don't get ordered, etc, etc. I don't want to work for the military either - as cool as the military hardware is, I don't think I could rationalize the "well, we're killing the ENEMY". I'm too smart and well travelled for that shit - people are still people. I just want to be done, and doing something good for the world. I want to "elevate my game" so to speak. If only I knew the way, I'd gladly walk the path.

I feel: Kinda lost -_-

2006-07-10T06:36:00.000-05:00

Time for a Blog Post

Life rolls on.

Easy right? You betcha.

I've been working for the Navy this summer in Panama City, FL. This is where Alabama Hick meets Daytona Beach style revelry - including the largest nightclub in the United States.

Not exactly a hotbed of culture - nor is there tons to do if you don't want to go drinking. =P

Anyways, I'm doing well. Trying to get my work done, and generally succeeding. =) Lately, I've been working on my armor kit for the SCA - I've got the helmet I bought for cheap mostly refinished and I'm working on finishing the hardened leather bits. It'll be awesome.

Anyways, I'll be back in town on Friday the 14th through Sunday the 16th - I've got two weddings on Saturday though, so I doubt I'll be up for breakfast on Sunday (I leave before noon). If any of you wonderful people will be around on the 14th, please let me know. =D

I feel: Rolling Along

2006-05-15T23:29:00.000-05:00

Back in Town!

Oh god, I'm coming back to Illinois.

Anyone around from 5/16-5/28? You can meet the new GF as well in the later part of that time. =0

I miss you one and all. =)

Oh, and there's a Party on the 20th!

Let me know if you can make it.

I feel: ^_^ Happy

2006-04-06T03:32:00.000-05:00

Like a theme song...

For all you kids out there trying to build your dream... like me. =0

Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

2006-03-30T02:33:00.000-06:00

Showtunes? Damn it.

So they've always had good music. I know.

Inspiring lyrics? Sometimes.

And yet, I still feel like I should turn in my man card... I LOVE Wicked and Rent. =0

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

2006-03-27T12:32:00.000-06:00

Ahhh! Dumber in Oklahoma

Okay, so what happens when a misconfigured webserver prevents access to a city's website? They send email to the creators of the OS!

The City of Tuttle needs a new IT guy!

I feel: ^_0 Bemused and Frightened

2006-03-23T05:22:00.000-06:00

We Shouldn't Blame Chef for Leaving...

...we should blame that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.

I feel: -_-

2006-03-22T10:47:00.000-06:00

He's a Doctor AND a Ninja

Okay, my favorite new webcomic is Dr. McNinja.

Do yourself a favor and start it from the beginning (Archives) - that way, you aren't confused why there's an ape in his office.

This is quite possibly my Halloween costume for next year.

I feel: 0_0 BUSY!

2006-03-16T11:06:00.000-06:00

Too Much

Too much to do - not enough time.

A big CONGRADULATIONS to my man Adam on the birth of his second child - Michael. =D

Don't worry about me, I'll dig myself out soon.

I love Iz and his music. =P An enormous man with a dulcet voice - Google

I feel: Like Fighting =|

2006-03-04T16:18:00.000-06:00

My Life: Resolved

My life has reduced itself to three projects:

1) Paper/Presentation for SPIE conference - due March 22 (at the latest)
2) Creating a spinning laser system to derive 3D images from rastering laser data (think a real life ray tracer) - due April 23 (really earlier than this)
3) A new method of Kalman Filtering - the fastest ever - due April 23 (really earlier than this)

Goodbye World. =D

I feel: 0_0 Crazy

2006-01-24T01:33:00.000-06:00

In the councils of government, we must guard against the military industrial complex...

-Dwight Eisenhower

I MUST see this movie - and you should go to: Why We Fight

"American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions."

"In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together."

I feel: Enlightened and frightened

2006-01-16T23:19:00.000-06:00

Alive

That I am.

Someday, expect a longer post. =)

2005-12-19T07:51:00.000-06:00

Denny's

is the official resturant of bowling.

I shit you not.

I know this because I was there at four AM this morning.

And I thought it was fucking hilarious...

*sigh* I'm picking my parents up at 4:30 in Sarasota today and going to my grandparents. Is it strange that I feel like I can't take time off for Christmas?

Oh, I lost my phone. So call my number and leave a message... with your phone number and who you are please. =P

I feel: 0_0 Crazed

2005-12-16T16:25:00.000-06:00

Yes. I Do Believe I'm Alive.

Barely.

I've got more paper to write.
Plenty of it.

Maybe I can finally shut down on Sunday.

Maybe not.

After that, grant proposals and more papers.

And Christmas with the folks.

Yikes.

Anyways, check out the new counter on the right, go to the website, and see the data. In a word: Sobering.

I feel: Sober (or just dead tired)

2005-11-17T17:45:00.000-06:00

Bubbles!

I am amazed.

I feel: Overworked! -_-

2005-11-01T22:52:00.000-06:00

Don't Buy Sony Music!

Read This!

In short, Sony installs a dangerous rootkit to your computer, compromising its security so it can guarentee that you aren't copying it's music. =(

2005-10-31T12:32:00.000-06:00

A Few New Rules

Not my list, but hey. I like em.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for
Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to
people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly
like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of
the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out
a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting
all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of
Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What
did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was
only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would
have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex
with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently
damaged. I have a better description for these kids:
lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect
baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the
cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown
man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's
how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two
of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water.
There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket,
water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but
flavored water is called a soft drink. You want
flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it
melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is
introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square,
with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom.
And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it,
his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations,
Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order,
the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks
and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced
vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra
dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one
NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up
from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing
"Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't
want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid
who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there
eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have
time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup
on Aisle Nine!

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese
characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's
right above the crack of your ass. And it translates
to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did
anything spiritual, you were praying to God you
weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just
high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one
of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the
US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those
athletes at the poker table was just too damned
exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait.
They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard
Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm
extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies
based on crappy, old television shows, then you have
to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can
see what's playing on the other screens. Let's
remember the reason something was a television show in
the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a
movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used
to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new
homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the
stuff you want and having other people buy it for you
isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of
looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more
bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is
offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex
with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's
supposed to be there, or just some freak with a
fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I
just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't
need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will
do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care
in the first place.

2005-10-25T13:57:00.000-05:00

I'm Alive

And there's no wreckage. Relax kids! My GP's are still without power though. =/

2005-10-21T02:07:00.000-05:00

I am Awake...

...because I Suck!

A new axiom, brought to you care of 3 AM and no sleep in sight.

Cheerio!

2005-10-18T10:14:00.000-05:00

Because Justin thought I wouldn't...

1. First name? Jeff
2. Were you named after anyone? My dad's brother who died when he was young.
3. Do you wish on stars? ?! Does anyone outside of a Disney movie do this?
4. When did you last cry? When Wash died.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Sure.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Buffalo Turkey
7. What is your birth date? 8/2/82
8. What is your most embarrassing moment? So many... can't choose...
9. Do you have a journal? Yes. This thing counts.
11. What are your nicknames? Kramer, K-man, Jeff2
12. Would you bungee jump? no.
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? yes.
14. Do you think that you are strong? Pretty strong - I have trouble with things like anvils and table saws.
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate
16. Shoe Size? 11ish
17. Red or pink? Red
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? How mental I am. =P
19. Who do you miss most? Eric and Adam... but I still miss all ya all. (yes, I know, very southern of me)
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? Sure. As long as they're filling it out and not just returning it.
21. What color pants, shirt, and shoes are you wearing? Khaki shorts, green and blue shirt, no shoes.
22. What are you listening to right now? Gorillaz - Demon Days
23. Last thing you ate? Oatmeal
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Dark Blue or Green with bright orange streaks.
25. What is the weather like right now? About 75 deg, sunny, with the smell of the sea in the air.
26. Last person you talked to on the phone? Jen
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes, hair, and smile. Followed closely by personality (unless I'm at a party and just, uhm, cruising).
28. Do you like thunderstorms? YES
30. Favorite sport? Does beating people with sticks whilst wearing armor count as a sport? I'd say so.
31. Hair Color? Dirty Blonde.
32. Eye Color? Blue.
33. Do you wear contacts? Npe
34. Favorite Food? Buffalo anything
35. The Last movie that you watched? Constantine
36. Favorite Day of the Year? The day when I have absolutely nothing to do.
37. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings. I hate scary movies.
38. Summer Or Winter? By god, winter. Summer here is Hell on Earth.
39. Hugs Or Kisses? Friends? Hugs. Kisses just make things complicated (unless they're Brazillian)
40. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Tiramisu. But I am partial to a good Chocolate Mousse.
41. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? No idea. Not Justin.
42. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Eric.
43. What Book Are You Reading? Justin's books are no more boring than mine - Computer Architecture, AI Robotics, and Intro to AI notes. However, for fun, I am reading... the Economist and the second book in Dan Simmons' Ilium series, Olympios. I love this stuff. =D
44. What's On Your Mouse Pad? 3M Precise Mousing Surface? Water.
45. What did You Watch Last night on TV? TV sucks - yesterday I was up til 10 PM fighting, came home, and passed out. I'll catch up on Daily Show tomorrow.
46. What's in your CD player? Gorillaz, My Morning Dove, The Bravery, the new Death Cab.
47. Favorite Smells? Baking bread and my girlfriend. =P
48. Favorite Flower? Partial to daffodil intermixes.
49. Favorite Sounds? Smooth beats. =D
50. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Both? While all of their songs are listenable, I find that the Stones have fewer "must hear" songs on their albums.
51. What's the farthest you've been from home? Hiroshima, Japan.

2005-10-10T10:02:00.000-05:00

Who I'm Voting For!

General Zod in 2008!

A challenger...

Christopher Walken

2005-09-20T23:05:00.000-05:00

I was touched by His noodly appendage

Pastafarians Unite!

2005-09-14T20:27:00.000-05:00

Hurricane Katrina Expansion

So right, so horrifying.

2005-09-14T19:46:00.000-05:00

Maybe I should pimp myself out more...

I am worth $2,515,490 on HumanForSale.com

Hrm.

I feel: -_- Tired

2005-09-13T14:46:00.000-05:00

I don't have TV

So I haven't seen the media actually do what they're supposed to: question things!

Oh, and The Onion weighs in.

Yet another blog. Thanks Kendall.

2005-09-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

Ah... Must Post!

For fear of becoming like Eric, I decided I should post - exactly 2 weeks after my last post.

I fear that life has not gotten any less interesting or busy. Crazy? Whirlwind? Chaotic? Overfull? Any or all of these words could be used to describe how life is down here in Florida. Add "hot" and "wet" as well.

More than a few notes:

1) I moved into my new place. They are still delivering things to the townhouse - furniture, appliances, etc. They have replaced the countertops in my place 4 times now, and they're STILL not right - I missed part of work AGAIN today because those bastards fucked them up. Not happy. At all.

And, sorry, no pictures yet. My parents forgot to bring it down with them sadly. I'll see if I can get some OK shots with my PDA. The furniture is quite nice - as expected, I went with a quasi-Asian feel: Clean lines, minimal ornamentation, fine woodwork.

Cooked dinner for the first time in the new kitchen last night and I love it. It rocks, plain and simple. I'm SO happy to get out of that little galley kitchen. The breads and cakes will flow forth from my oven like an army of sweet treats to devour the world.

*sigh*

2) Work. Is. Crazy. Things were boiling for Katrina and are finally calming down. My major professor can't pay all of my appointment this semester so she is pimping me out to another professor in St. Petersburg. Now, for those of you who don't know Florida geography, St. Pete is about 40 minutes away from Tampa - sister cities, but still a drive across the bay highway bridge (which lies about 5 feet above the water - always under during hurricanes). So, twice a week, I go teach a lab in St. Petersburg for a total of 5 hours. My pay? $10 an hour, with no travel allowance. That $50 a week is going right into gas and maintenance. *sigh* So there's that. And I'm a research assistant, so I'm writing code/doing research on various robot stuff. Add to that 3 classes, two with labs, and having to "assist" with my major professor's class' lab each week... Gah. I can't keep up.

3) Everything else! So, I want to be a part of the SCA - a solid collection of odd folk, nerds, and everybody else. That being said, I have NO time to devote to much of anything. Not enough time to make armor, build weapons, or even fight. I went to my first event recently and had a fucking blast, so I don't want to give it up. We'll see.
I've lost weight, and with it, both muscle and fat. I'm pretty thin now, but I need to start lifting/bulking more. It's concerning - I haven't been this light since sophmore year of high school. I do look cut though, and I have a mild case of a six pack. *shrug*
Then there's this girl... and she's great. =D

Annyways, that's me, for now. I'll weigh in on Katrina, etc soon.

I feel: 0_0 Tweakin'

2005-08-30T20:18:00.000-05:00

Katrina Coverage

A blog, hence take it with a grain of salt: Deadly Katrina seems to have the best handle on the news at the moment.

And it's crazy. =/

2005-08-29T22:22:00.000-05:00

What the fuck are "Heat Miners"?

A few things of note:

First - a mecha... kinda. Looks cool, moves about, yet... it's actually just a clever fake.

Second - this is all about the Revolution

Third - my team is going to Louisiana soon. =0

Fourth - Camping for 4 days this weekend! =D

Fifth - I move IN tomorrow. Holy crap.

I feel: Like I'm goin' Crazy ^_^

2005-08-19T00:05:00.000-05:00

And there he goes...

Back to Tampa. *waves*

Time to live in a hotel for 12 days. =!

I feel: Too Awake 0_0

2005-08-14T01:03:00.000-05:00

Meltdown

I've been running in overdrive mode for more than a few days now, and the strange feelings of discontent are starting to eat in at the corners of my bluster and self-confidence.

Everytime I think about living in Tampa, I am filled with a quiet unease, as if there was something not quite right just below the surface.

I keep telling myself that it's okay, I'm just imagining it. I keep telling myself it will get better when school starts, when there are more people. The problem is that I don't know if it WILL get better, and it's really fucking with my head.

It didn't help that coming back to home from Tampa was a HUGE fuckup - mostly my fault. I underestimated the time it would take to get packed and ready, instead spending that time fooling around and working. So, I was stuck - I had packed more than half my stuff, but I had a single night left AND I had to pack up, clean up, and move out. It's a wonder more things didn't go wrong, especially with how fucktarded my subletters are. Anyways, as it happens, I was rushing at the last minute. I forgot a keycard - locked it in my car - and I left bleach on some linoleum for too long, yellowing it. Nothing horrible or unfixable, but still.

Now, I get home, and the subletters start calling - where is this, where is that, why didn't you vacuum! My folks, especially my mother, take this opportunity to jump me - oh my god, you never do anything right, you always procrastinate, you'll never make it, blah blah blah.

And then the questions start - earnest "soulsearching" questions. "Are you really happy in Tampa, Jeff?" asks my mother. "I'm fine. Tampa is great, I want to be there." "Are you sure? You don't seem so happy. What's wrong with Tampa?" "Nothing... what's going on? Why are you asking me?" "Well, you just don't seem excited about school... is everything fine?" "Yes. Everything is fine." "Do you really want to be going to school there?" And so on. Over and over and over. On the phone, at home, every opportunity.

It used to just slide off my conviction like oil on ice. Now, more and more, it's like that small voice in the back of my head, whispering to me in moments of weakness or confusion. I know WHY she asks. I know that I AM happy. It's just fucking incessant.

Yet now, just a vague unease... floating on by in my head during the quiet moments.

It's just not quite right.

I feel: -_- Like not fighting anymore.

2005-08-08T16:10:00.000-05:00

Coming Home

August 11 - August 19th.

We'll hang out, yes? =D

2005-08-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

23?!

Yes indeed.

Birthday is mine.

=0

I feel: ^_^ Older

2005-07-27T03:20:00.000-05:00

Hot

I've been working outside for the last two weeks - building things for work. Now, people always told me Florida was hot. I learned what that meant over the past two weeks, however, yesterday was the worst yet.

Combining the blazing sun + the 98 degree temps + nearly 100% humidity made me miserable and sick. Very very sick.

Today, I get to go out and do it all over again. Oh, and yes, we have to be there about 6 AM, so we're up at 5 AM (4 AM yesterday). Joy.

I feel: Pain

2005-07-20T07:40:00.000-05:00

Dear God...

Organic!

Reach out with your peelings...

2005-07-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

MC Chris!

I'm going to try and make 3 shows while he's here in Florida.

Strangely enough, he's from Libertyville. =0

Love it. =D

See Fett's Vette

My backpack's got jets
I'm Boba the Fett
I bounty hunt for Jaba Hut
To finance my vette

I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste

2005-07-12T11:27:00.000-05:00

sigh

Emily, what did I tell you about becoming a hurricane?

=)

Another one! Wooo!

And this goes on til October!

I feel: Drenched =0

2005-07-10T00:04:00.000-05:00

Zombies Vs. Amtgard

Holy shit, this is hilarious.

Be sure to check out the photo gallery

2005-07-08T07:16:00.000-05:00

Three Things

First, a gay bomb.

Second, another hurricane, this one with a D (and a class 4 to boot).

Third, the girl who owns the place I'm subletting is stealing the rest of the furniture, including the desks. We'll see how I get set up again. =)

I feel: Pushed -_-

2005-07-04T08:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Fourth!

It seems very strange not to be holding a party today. After 5 years of precedent, habits are hard to break.

I wish you and yours all the best.

I feel: =| Out of touch

2005-06-23T11:26:00.000-05:00

Screwin' over the Little Guy

Holy crap. The Supreme Court just ruled that local cities can condemn and take your property for PRIVATE development.

The Supreme Court just took a big dump on the Fifth Amendment. What a horrible day for our freedoms.

Those with money can now force you from your property and home in order to construct what they like.

"nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation." If anything, this should be a STATE issue... but the Constitution and Bill of Rights should still cover it.

Read about it:
Yahoo!
CNN

I feel: =( ANGRY

2005-06-22T05:33:00.000-05:00

So... Yeah...

I'm all of a sudden busy at work. For about, oh... I don't know, my whole time down here, I haven't had much to do with work. I mean, there was plenty of OTHER things to do, just my primary reason for being here didn't really draw me in.

So I had nothing really to write. And spinning my wheels was really starting to grind on me - my sleep pattern was very messed up and I got the worst canker sores ever from "stress".

That's all changed now. Now I have two ENORMOUS projects. Eesh. Designing and building a robot playground and doing research on robot acceptance testing and determining what's wrong with a design. That research will result in a submitted paper, which if accepted, means I fly somewhere in the world to present it. Which is sweet. =)

Hopefully Edinburgh! (which actually has a kickin' robotics program I've found...)

Or Japan! (Weeee!)

Oh well, anyways, time to hit the gym.

And yes, I'll go see Batman this week/end damn it. =)

2005-06-15T08:09:00.000-05:00

So He's Not a Good Speller...

But what do you expect from a disabled vet?

I feel: ^_^ Grrreat!

2005-06-11T04:58:00.000-05:00

My Very First Hurricane!

Or Tropical Storm I guess...

I'm safe, but Arlene is making EVERYTHING a little wetter. =P I never thought I'd be glad to have a truck in Florida until I saw a Miata stalled out in a foot+ of water by my apartment. Sucks to be them.

I feel: ^_^ happy

2005-06-07T01:43:00.000-05:00

Dear Lord, Tom Cruise is on Crack!

Watch this: http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/miscellaneous_tv/000824.php

And comment.

My favorite line?
Oprah: "Something Happened to You!"
Tom: "I'm in LOVE!"

I feel: ^_^ happy

2005-05-31T17:32:00.000-05:00

PostSecret

I think we all have one to send in... a few of mine are already there.

I feel: -_- Tired

2005-05-25T07:20:00.000-05:00

I can't get enough...

of this damn album. Picaresque by The Decemberists - a mix of intelligent pop, huge hooks, and sea shanties. =P Try a bit, I know you'll like it. One of my favorites:

We Both Go Down Together

Here on these cliffs of Dover
So high you can't see over
And while your head is spinning
Hold tight, it's just beginning

You come from parents wanton
A childhood rough and rotten
I come from wealth and beauty
Untouched by work or duty

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

I found you, a tattooed tramp
A dirty daugher from the labour camps
I laid you down on the grass of a clearing
You wept but your soul was willing

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

And my parents will never consent to this love
But I hold your hand

Meet me on my vast veranda
My sweet, untouched Miranda
And while the seagulls are crying
We fall but our souls are flying

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, oh my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

I feel: Happy? =)

2005-05-23T03:40:00.000-05:00

Musical Survey

Oh damn. Miss Fish has put me in a spot - my taste vary wildly, but let's see how I do!

Total volume on music files on my computer:

82.47 gig = 17943 songs (54 days and 12 hours of music)

The last CD I bought was:
"The John Byrd E.P." by Death Cab for Cutie
I buy used CDs - as many as possible. People like Emily divest themselves of CDs, I snag them up and make them my own. =) This CD however is brand spankin' new.

Song playing right now:
"Down Under" by Men at Work (Acoustic version with jammin' guitars)

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1. "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers - a song that either helps me get through it, or thank god everything's okay.

2. "Brandy" by Looking Glass - when this song comes on, I always crank up the radio and belt it out

3. "Stormy Weather" as done by the Smoking Popes - rocking punk + old time tunes = a win!

4. "American Jesus" by Bad Religion - Quite possibly the most perfect punk song ever

5. "Satan is my Motor" by Cake - This song is me. Literally.

Five people to whom I am passing the baton (i.e. do the survey):
1. Eric - We share some things, we don't share some others - I want to hear about it.

2. Justin - Give me the death metal run down

3. MC - Eclecticism for the win! =)

4. Kristin - More crazy tunes + your boyfriend's guitar

5. Kendall - Sure, she doesn't blog anymore... maybe she'll come back for it. =)

2005-05-21T01:33:00.000-05:00

Indie Dump

So, one of my favorite webcomics is Questionable Content. I really recommend it.

Well, he lists a set of bands and albums in his "Recommended Listening" section - so I went and dow... I mean, purchased 20 CDs. I've been listening through them, and they're really good! Also, there's a band called Thunderbirds Are Now! coming to Tampa on Wednesday - a kind of electronica punk. I dig the hard hitting synth. =D So I will probably go to their show - only $8! I lub punk bands.

I feel: Out of it

2005-05-21T01:32:00.000-05:00

AIM Anyone?

My AIM hasn't worked since I've arrived - anyone else have this trouble? It's starting to anger me.

2005-05-20T17:13:00.000-05:00

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam

From a recent spam:
"Hello,

Hell, no. Hes a lousy runt.
He was late getting home with the milk, Pop said. Are you
happily.
Well get one. Then you get one. Whoever gets his first can
come to America who did not know that they had come too late. Our
welts. I had one on my forehead that people still commented on,
Salt no good.
be getting disgusted, or discouraged, or both, and he could go d
to see the birds tumble and when I missed he roared and shook his
bareheaded dressed in white cotton cloth they wore gathere
behind us to go on up the road. The theatrical one of the two tra
when youre after kudu the better.
made the tea before I was awake.
businesses. The way to hunt is for as long as you live against a

Have a nice day."

I feel: 0_0 overworked and underpaid

2005-05-16T11:34:00.000-05:00

Real Personality Tests

My scores on these change monthly it seems, but anyways... =)

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|	20%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|	16%
Change averse	\|\|	10%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Female cliche	\|\|	10%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I feel: Busy! =0

2005-05-15T00:38:00.000-05:00

Spinnin', Spinnin'

Let's just assume I didn't have an incredibly long (in blogger terms) absence. We'll just start up like nothing happened - easy... cool...

Anyways, it's currently 1:39 AM here in Tampa, Florida - my new home for the next 4 years (at least!). I'm moved into the apartment I'm subletting, which is the cross between the Ritz-Carlton and a $5 a night hotel near Cabrini Green. While I have a TV and some nice furniture, they took out all of the things that were "theirs", like the cabinets... and the bed. However, they neglected to tell me they were doing this until I had arrived. Awesome. So I'm sleeping on the floor, sans mattress.

Actually, I don't mind sleeping on the floor that much - it reminds me of Japan and is super good for my back.

Moving on.

Work this week was the definition of chaotic. First, my professor isn't in. Second, most of the students are out (off week). Third, most of the grad kids are taking a break. So, I arrived on the first day and NO ONE was around. I did the few things I could and went home. The rest of the days went better - I got a lot of my prereqs done (ID card, keys, etc) and did some research on sensor systems. I also got invited to my first grad student party this weekend - a combination birthday party and "take our stuff or it goes to charity" event. I hope to score some useful things. I also promised I'd bake, and the man likes carrot cake. So that means I get to grind a pound of carrots into little bits with a hand shredder... my hands are NOT going to like this.

Past that, I've found myself with a few things to do - I joined a gym near my house and I'm trying it out for a month. It's a really nice facility, however, it is also rather expensive. I'm going to fulfil my necessary obligations to them, then take their money-back guarantee. I'm also participating in martial arts down the street. I couldn't believe that there is a Quest Center nearly 3 blocks from my apartment. For those of you who don't know, Quest Center's are the dojo's for ninjitsu - an art I've always wanted to learn.

Then there's the super geek stuff. I've gotten myself hooked up with a Society for Creative Anachronism group down here. They're awesome folks and I'm having a good time just hanging out - they're all crazy in my way. =D I'm actually fighting in armor tomorrow after I make some clothes. Wild.

Anyways, that's the "life dump" from my end.

More soon.

I feel: Crazy ^_^

OH! I also just got an email from this girl I met in London - totally made my day. =)

2005-05-02T09:53:00.000-05:00

Leavin'... On a Jet Plane...

Actually, we're driving. But we're leaving within the hour. Eric and I will be driving the 1200+ miles down to Tampa. Woot. =0

Past that, life has been visiting friends and packing things. =D I'll see you all soon.

I feel: Tired -_-

2005-04-18T18:20:00.000-05:00

Gone for Awhile

Yeah, I know.

I've been really busy - getting ready to go to Florida (May 9th I start research work) and just busting my ass around the house.

Not much past that - check out my new photos at my deviantArt account and let me know what you think.

Oh, and now for something completely different : a health drink for all people!

2005-03-29T23:17:00.000-06:00

Ooo...

Ah, I forgot to tell everyone this before - most of my family has converted back to a Mac house.

My mom's new laptop is a beautiful little 12" Powerbook of Doom.

And my parent's/family's new home box is a Mac Mini I call "HalfCube".

*sigh* HalfCube. How I love your silent little rectangular prismness.

'sides that, my main system is on the frizzzt - breaking better each day. I'm starting to work on getting a new one together - maybe a watercooled system. Hot. =D

Cooler actually, but hot in reference to how cool it... aw never mind.

And the "Untethered Rebirth of Light" or "PHOENIX" is still running strong. Go Toshiba Laptops, GO!

I feel: Linguistically Tongue Twisted

2005-03-28T08:22:00.000-06:00

Back Again

I have returned yet again from my travels.

I had a good time.

A travelogue will be forthcoming... probably. Or I might just post up my photos. =D

Anyways, I was completely accepted to my graduate program while I was away, AND my diploma(s) arrived. Sweet.

My house is currently torn completely apart and has been turned into a giant painting booth. It's really crazy living in a plastic prison. =P

Past that, I got nothing - thanks for not destroying my blog. =)

I feel: >-|-> Jetlagged (That's an airplane, by the way, in case you don't have an imagination or too much of one)

2005-03-07T11:15:00.000-06:00

Oh, yeah!

Europe.

As in, I'm going. In about 2 hours.

Hey, who's up for sudden trips?! I certainly am. Scotland to visit Kari, Germany to visit the Germans, and then London to chill with Whit. =0

MC - I'll have to hang out when I get back. I'll bring you some flowers and chocolate or something to make up for it. =P Anything but coffee and bagels, hmmm?

Everyone else - I'll have pictures for you! I intend on doing another fun travelogue. Prepare to be amazed by my trip-ness. (I guess you can look at these too MC)

Have fun, don't bust the place, and I'll be reachable by all normal means (just don't call my home or cell phone)

I feel: ^_^ Excited

2005-03-02T12:02:00.000-06:00

Are You Tired of Your Current Job?

2005-02-18T10:36:00.000-06:00

Going to Texas

I'm done. I'm out.

Running to go be with Adam for a week.

STILL haven't heard from USF. =0 All this waiting is making me antsy.

'sides that, not much going on... went on a date with one of the "popular" girls from HS - scary how much things change eh?

Life is odd.

Anyways, I hope you all have a great weekend. =)

I feel: =| Chill

2005-02-11T01:00:00.000-06:00

A Thought

Purpose.

Desire.

Success.

Powerful movies and deaths of people close to you makes you think about such things - I suppose it is a normal part of human existance.

I wonder what life is all about - you know, in the end of all things. There's a feeling of inadequacy when attempting to approach this question. How do you express the meaning of life? For the longest time, I have led my life by a simple credo: People have special talents - each one of us - and the goal is to discover what your talent is and use it for the best of humanity.

That being said, I'm failing miserably.

I possess a purpose. I know where I want to go with my life. I have goals - grandiose ones for certain, but goals nonetheless.

However, I lack the next piece - the desire. My drive is gone, most of the time. Perhaps I am feeling crushed and pressured by my environment, or perhaps I am just sick of biding my time. Whatever it is, the desire to complete my purpose is crumbling as I see other options and other people. They look happy... busy doing unsatisfying work so they can have the money to buy the things they think they need.

I know this, yet it seems so alluring. Perhaps I'm tired of fighting the world.

Whatever it is, I need a change. If my admission to USF goes through, this could be just what I need to break out.

2005-02-07T13:07:00.000-06:00

...

An extremely close friend of Kari's and a friend of mine, Patricia, passed away on Friday.

She died from bacterial meningitis - something that makes me too angry for words. Treatable if caught early, she was forced to wait 12-14 hours after the onset of symptoms before seeing a doctor.

I was just beginning to get to know her better, and these glimpses of her amazing personality is what I will miss the most.

My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.

2005-02-03T01:01:00.000-06:00

But First... HORNETS!

I actually saw some of these when I was in Japan. It is like something out of a nightmare.... and really REALLY cool.

I feel: Less Philosophical.

2005-02-02T02:08:00.000-06:00

Million Dollar Baby

It is not often that I see a movie that makes me think so deeply about my own life.

This is one of those movies. A movie that is as sharp as a scapel and cuts me into little bloody pieces.

It made me think of three seperate things:

Purpose.

Desire.

Success.

I have to sort out my thoughts about this... I'll write more later.

I feel: x_x tired, pensive, and worried

2005-02-01T10:56:00.000-06:00

Catapult Pt. 2

The grand finale.

2005-02-01T10:48:00.000-06:00

A Catapult?

And the hits just keep on coming!

2005-02-01T10:44:00.000-06:00

Mortor!

"One does not simply walk into Mortor..."
"Uhm... It's Mordor. With a 'D'."

Hehehe.

I feel: -_- Bored

2005-01-30T23:13:00.000-06:00

Grinding it Out

Not much happening back here at Kramer HQ.

Emily Fish came this past weekend - we had a good time! Stayed in on Friday, watched City of God and I, Robot, both excellent flicks (and City of God is one of the best movies I've seen ever). On Saturday, we went to Chicago for a day and shopped. Crazy, but it's true - I went shopping. However, this time, I went shopping with a budget and a person who knew what she was about. I came out of this not only alive, but with a beautiful shirt, a pair of "modern" jeans, a nice pair of slacks, and a stylish pair of cool-as-hell sneakers/dress shoe combos.

Em also bought me the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" book, as she said I was hopeless. =P

It's strange how culture and customs fight each other - why is it that only girls get manicures? Is it odd to think about and worry (kinda) about what clothes you're wearing, what you eat, and what haircair products you own? I've always thought that metrosexual guys were effeminate, yet I always admired the things they wrought for their trouble. Maybe it's time I tried some of their tricks out.

Past that, I am finally officially graduated - I received a letter last week saying I was graduated as of December 2004, and my diploma would be arriving in about 2 months. Seems I can dust off that empty frame hiding in the closet.

I've been pulling boxes out of storage and tearing through them. Everytime I toss something useless that evokes a memory, it is like throwing away a little piece of myself. Why am I so attached? Is this strange? An old Popular Science from 1998 is not worth anything to anyone. Except my memories.

A few other recommendations:
The Flogging Molly's newest album Within a Mile of Home is excellent - their combination of hard driving Irish music mixed with punk is a heady brew. I definitely recommend the pirate-themed "Seven Deadly Sins".

OldBoy is a Korean revenge film. It is one of my new favorite films, as well as being the absolute best revenge film I have EVER seen. Intricately plotted, deep enough to surprise me at the end, and full of savage emotion, this is a winner. Subtitles only, but they're redoing it for America (and quite possibly toning it down/cutting the balls off of it).

Wow, that was a long post Bloggites. I've been at this for years now, and I'm not exactly sure how other "majors" do it. Do all they do is blog and read OTHER blogs? OTHER websites? What a strange hobby... consuming "news" so you can post about it - even if the news is wrong or emotionally charged. Hrmph.

I feel: =) A'Ok Charlie!

2005-01-23T13:18:00.000-06:00

New Car and Assorted Trivia

So, I got my new wheels - a 2004 Honda Element, Burnt Orange. It's awesome. =)

Now for the question of the week:

How much do you think the "Safety Vote" swung the election this year? By safety vote, I mean those people who generally vote Liberal/Democrat voting for Bush because "he makes me feel safer". This really was a marketing coup for the Republicans. They framed the debate in terms of safety, playing on the fears of the American people. Masterful and kinda slimy, but oh well. =D

I feel: Great! =)

2005-01-18T18:08:00.000-06:00

Calvin and Hobbes -> Fight Club

Interesting. I wonder what others think of this...

Calvin and Hobbes -> Fight Club

2005-01-10T16:31:00.000-06:00

Sliding...

A long time has passed since my previous post.

For this, I apologize - life has taken the approximation of a runaway train and well... run with it.

Those responsible for the previous bad pun have been sacked.

As for myself, this is the rundown:

Christmas ended, as did my "Winter in FloridaLand" experience.
Lindsay arrived two days later.
Had New Years, a good time was had by all. Missed my peeps that couldn't be there, but we poured one out for them.
Proceeded to attempt to entertain Lindsay for a week and a half. Fun, draining, and I'll never do it again. =D
Got in a massive car accident. I was rear-ended while going 55 MPH on I-94 by a car going around 120 MPH. My car ate their car. Again. When will cars figure out that my little Honda is way better constructed than their damn Nissan or Infiniti? My baby is still destroyed though - drivable without the bumper, yet crushed in the back. Anyhoot (as Em would say), I am okay, if saddled with a long time at the Chiro. Lindsay is also okay, even though she got a bit banged up. The driver of the other car blew a 1.8 and got arrested for DUI and the accident.
Sent Lindsay home.
Dealing with School, Accident, and Home right now.

And that's that.

I saw two amazing shows this last week - Red Scare at Second City and Letters to the President at the Trap Door. I highly recommend both, as does the Reader. =)

I feel: =% Out of Alignment

2004-12-26T16:02:00.000-06:00

USF? WTF?

My interview down here in Sunshine Land went really well. I had the opportunity to interview with people at the CRASAR (Center for Robotic Assisted Search And Rescue) and at USF - I'm applying, and if all the indications are true, I'll be accepted - An RA, being paid to get my Ph.D.

And they pay for my trip down here.

Holy crap. =0 I'm really excited and kinda scared... it's that jittery feeling I told myself I wouldn't get after I left for college from high school, but it's the same one I had then.

Anticipation mixed with worry. =) Eh, now for the real question: Who will come visit me in Tampa? The beach is a short distance away! =P

Past that, Florida is... well, Florida. Kinda boring, very relaxing. I've been spending my time watching LotR and sleeping in. Lucky me. =D

Anyways, I miss my peeps, so I hope to see you when I return to the Great White North come Decemeber 28th. New Year's this year will also include a dinner, so I want to hear what people want to eat! I miss cooking, here's a chance for me to catch up. =)

I feel: ^_^ Excited and Happy

2004-12-17T01:30:00.000-06:00

So I Crushed...

...the GRE. Wee!

Old Scores:
Verbal: 680/800
Math: 680/800

New Scores:
Verbal: 760/800
Math: 780/800

Kari and others expressed interest in RPing. So that's the girls. Screw you, Lindsay'll be there too. Justin, you may have to DM. =)

Tomorrow is my last day at work. Kinda sad... poured my heart and soul into this company, just to have them cut me loose. Oh well. =/

My boss didn't even say goodbye before he went to Florida... damn it.

I have lots of good friends there though, and lots of good contacts. I'll be firming those up tomorrow before I leave, and making sure they don't forget about me. =)

As for the rest of my life, I'm just chillin'. This weekend, some people come home. Awesome!

So we'll party with the party people, since I leave for Florida Monday morning - I expect to see everyone at least once. Including you, miss worldtraveler, kilt chasing, tolkien lover. =)

I feel: ^_^ Happy.

2004-12-15T21:09:00.000-06:00

GRE and New Year's Update

Taking the GRE tomorrow. =!

New Year's - My Place, Various People, and, we WILL try and RP. Huge dorks we be... at least it'll be with women! =D

Back to studying...

I feel: -_- Out of it.

2004-12-09T23:08:00.000-06:00

Dumb Surveys...

...are impossible to resist. Thank you Em! =

1. What's on your bedside table? A lamp and a book, currently, Lullaby by Chuck Palhniuk.
2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection? "Show tunes" from an obscure musical about a man who gets stuck in a cave he's exploring in Kentucky. If you've ever been to Mammoth Caves, you've heard the story. However, I can bet you've NEVER heard/seen the musical.
3. What do you eat/drink when you raid your fridge at night? Whatevers there. My #1 is fat-free cottage cheese if we've got it. Cold pizza is a close second.
4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film? E.T. or any film with a montage. (MONTAGE! Just kidding really.)
5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? I need plastic surgery? Damn it. Uhm. Liposuction. No, shut the HELL up Eric. =P
6. Do you have a completely irrational fear? Scared of werewolves in the house sometimes. I read a book once when I was very little that showed a werewolf eating some poor guy's brains while a vampire sucked his blood. Damn, that fucked me up.
7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? I pluck at my stomach or chew my nails.
8. Do you ever have to beg? Nah. I get what I want through pure animal magnatism. Well, no. But I never beg.
9. Do you have too many love interests? Always.
10. Do you know anyone famous? Lots of players on the Chicago Bears. I always get free booze when I see them out. =)
11. Describe your bed. Big, warm, with a space for a snuggle partner. The new electric underheating system adds the geeky chic touch.
12. Spontaneous or plan? I'm just going to steal Emily's: "Planned. With moments of irrational spontaneity."
13. Who should play you in a movie about your life? Dennis Leary. That'd totally rock.
14. Do you know how to play poker? Passably well.
15. What do you carry with you at all times? Wallet, Cell, Keys, and an overwhelming sense of superiority.
16. How do you drive? Faster.
17. What do you miss most about being little? Sunday Morning Cartoons.
18. Are you happy with your given name? Yes. I used to not be, but that ended when I started punching people. =)
19. What color is your bedroom? Olive Drab.
20. What was the last song to which you were listening? Palm of Your Hand by CAKE.
21. Have you ever been in a school play? Yes, several.
22. Have you ever been in love? Nah.
23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? Totally. I love me. And me loves me right back.
24. Have you ever done any illegal drugs? Hm. Yes.
25. Do you think you're cute? Sometimes, sometimes not, sometimes overpoweringly so. If this happens, slap me.
26. Do you consider yourself a nice person? Sure. And then I stab you in the back. Nah, I don't like hurting people.

TEN random things about me
10. I cook, specializing in desserts and baking, especially breads.
09. I play piano going on 17 years.
08. I have taught myself harmonica and I am "teaching" myself Japanese Bamboo Flute
07. I check my blog, dA account, and mail incessantly at work, as if the messages will disappear if I don't get them.
06. We have pizza every Christmas Dinner.
05. I don't ever get enough sleep.
04. I need a massage.
03. I worked for the Bears for 4 years and still can go to all the home games and work on the sidelines. Those guys wearing X shirts and carrying balls... that's my job.
02. I love fat-free cottage cheese.
01. I spend altogether too much time dreaming about robots. =)

NINE Places I've Visited
09. Chicago
08. Florida
07. California
06. Pittsburg
05. Houston
04. San Antonio
03. Kumamoto
02. Tokyo
01. Hiroshima

EIGHT Things I want to do before I die
08. Live in Japan
07. Build humanoid robots
06. Make a living doing it
05. Go to Mars
04. Run an "insanely great" company
03. Have a beautiful wife and loving kids who understand me
02. Have a robotic companion
01. Change the world =)

SEVEN Ways to win my heart
07. Have an accent - this does incredible things
06. Be amazingly intelligent and not afraid to show it off
05. Have cool talents and abilites that are quinessentially you
04. Have a plan, a goal, and a dream
03. Be funny
02. Smile
01. Be prepared to argue every point, fight every issue - challenge me.

SIX Things I believe in
06. Ability of Humanity
05. That everyone has a place, but its up to them to find it.
04. Opportunity is the circumstance of the right preparations combined with the right people
03. Love
02. God
01. Myself

FIVE Things I'm happy about
05. Opportunities and Open Doors
04. Graduating
03. Music makes me happy
02. Good Friends
01. Life

FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom
04. Pictures of People in my life
03. Laptop
02. Bed
01. All the cool books and magazines

THREE Things I do everyday
03. Go to Work
02. Work out
01. Dream about the Future

TWO Things I am trying not to do right now
02. Be Sick
01. Flip Out

ONE Person I want to see right now
01. Jen

2004-12-09T01:40:00.000-06:00

Done!

All done with my last final ever in undergrad. Yes!

I did well.

However, I'm disconcerted about the lack of response on New Year's - will there be a New Year's this New Year's?!

Oh, and I met this really wonderful girl... =)

But she lives in California... =(

I feel: Happy! =)

2004-12-06T16:28:00.000-06:00

New Year's Plans

It's that time of year again - what are we doing for New Year's? My house is open as always, but I want some input from the Peanut Gallery. Post here, call, or let me know somehow.

Oh, wish me luck. Final tomorrow. 1-3 pm. Gotta rock it. =)

I feel: Worked out x_x

2004-11-30T23:10:00.000-06:00

Down, but Not Out

I tried calling all the people I had numbers for over Thanksgiving.

Could only get in touch with MC. =/

That being said, we're all fine, we're all fine here...

Test tomorrow, Final next Tuesday, and lots of work at Work (tm).

Then study study for GMAT an' GRE. I be learnin!

Oh, applications too.

Lucky me. =D

I feel: ^_^ Insane

2004-11-21T16:29:00.000-06:00

Wonka!

Dear God, please make Johnny Depp not rape my childhood memories.

Oh, and I played an Oompa-Loompa (and Justin was the Dad).

2004-11-17T16:31:00.000-06:00

We're Sorry!

Direct action, linkup, and apologies all in one site. I love it!

I feel: =( Sorry.

2004-11-15T20:00:00.000-06:00

A Short Story

The boy lifted his hand to his face and snatched the cell phone from his ear. With a snap, the silver plastic case closed, ending the call, "Another one not in town... there's nobody around tonight." His friend who still lived here was busy, homework or something like that. He sighed, and pondered his life recently. A successful PackExpo, a convention for packaging machinery - all of the sales people love him. Applying for jobs and schools. Dreaming about Japan. Playing Halo 2 and Astrowars... while letting Battlegrounds and Dawn of War linger, uninstalled. Work out, shower, work, school, applications and job search - about two hours to himself, then sleep to do it all over again. Life has worked itself out to routine. Damn, it's boring.

I feel: -_- Listless

2004-11-05T18:52:00.000-06:00

An Opinion Not of my Own

Someone who has had a bit more time to formulate their thoughts came up with this - and I agree with damn near all of it.

"Even though Bush lost the popular vote in 2000, he nevertheless governed as if he had won by 10 million votes and had topped 400 electoral college votes. God help us now that he and the Christian Coalition won an election by 2%. Now he'll govern as if the clouds had parted and annointed him the chosen one.

Bush has not and will not reach out to those who disagree with him. In his mind, and in the minds of the Neo-Cons who advise him, Democrats are not fellow citizens but enemies and traitors to be smashed. The Bush administration treats its opponents with unbelievable arrogance and disdain. His call for cooperation is simply a call for unconditional surrender.

Now that the Moral Majority / Christian Coalition / American Taliban is firmly in the drivers seat, I expect them to impose their 'values' agenda on us all -- overturn Roe v. Wade, throw out Griswald 1965, and perhaps even criminalize homosexuality. Conservatives are all for limiting the power of government except when they get into the morals business. Scientific research in areas that conflict with Bush's born again friends (stem cells, alternate energy, global warming) etc will basically grind to a halt -- or be conducted overseas.

In the next four years, once we get more Scalias / Pickerings on the bench, we can look forward to a roll-back of pretty much all progressive legislation since McClaughlin Steel vs. U.S., 1937. Meanwhile, we'll blow through the $10 trillion mark on the national debt (in no time flat), leaving no possibility for anything but radical, abrupt surgery on medicare and social security in 2008.

Once the sheer incompetence on Iraq sinks in, and the fiscal insanity of Bush's economic policy makes itself clear (as it did to the Financial Times and Economist, which endorsed Kerry), then perhaps middle America will decide that God, Guns, and Gays won't keep their job in America, won't give them affordable (or any) health insurance, won't give them breathable air, won't improve their schools, and won't protect them from terrorists.

There are two Americas: one cosmopolitan and wordly, one insular and godly.
Now we get to re-fight all the battles of the 18th century Enlightenment."

I feel: 0_0 Frightened

2004-11-05T14:12:00.000-06:00

Hope!

I can't stop ribbing on my friends...

A link for all our likely conservative lads! (and ladies!)

I feel: Crazy. =)

2004-11-04T22:01:00.000-06:00

A Break!

No more politics, at least for this post. Now for something just as important in our lives.

Star Wars.

Namely, Star Wars Episode III Teaser Trailer. You know you want it.

I feel: ^_^ Excited!

2004-11-04T01:44:00.000-06:00

Bush Won...

...Kerry lost, and somehow, I find myself not caring at all about it. Points for Kerry bowing out early.

Several notes:
There will be a New Year's Party - if you read this, are still my friend, and would like to attend, begin thinking about it.
Lindsay will be coming up from Texas to visit Chicago for a week and a half or two weeks centered around New Year's. =D
I am extremely busy at work - I was at McCormick Place today, yelling at the Union electricians because they showed up at 9 AM (instead of 8 AM), and by 4:30 PM couldn't get the power even turned on. Damn it. I'll be at McCormick tomorrow after my lab.

Oh to be a Union member and work half days for twice the wages. =(

And I'm getting out of engineering... business here I come.

I feel: -___- Tired and Flat

2004-11-04T01:02:00.000-06:00

On the other hand...

I care deeply about the state's bans on gay marriage and civil unions. Why, why, why?! These people aren't hurting you. They're not affecting the economy, nor taking jobs. They're not killing your children or robbing banks. Why keep them from one of the most basic rights, afforded to people everywhere on this earth? A marriage is a lasting bond - let them express their love and devotion.

I can say this: over the past four years, I have slipped from a Republican standpoint to that of a liberal. The Republicans have been corrupted by everything that makes our country weak, including bible-beating rednecks who have nothing better to do than complain about people of other races and interfere in people's lives. The "tax the poor, spare the rich" corporate facemen run our government today, and we did it to ourselves! They put the gun to our head, and we pulled our own damn trigger. I anticipate massive rallies, protests, and riots over upcoming policy. This will make Seattle look like a fucking cakewalk.

Reap the Whirlwind.

2004-10-29T03:39:00.000-05:00

What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex

I was looking for this when LotR came out and all of the girls were falling all over Legolas... and the guys over Liv Tyler in elf ears. =P

A short excerpt of a good essay:

"Ever since the movie of the book Fellowship of the Ring came out, there seem to be two popular ideas about Elves' sex lives. Either they are radiantly asexual, or they are all screwing each other madly, along with any dwarves, hobbits, and men who happen along. Whichever you prefer is usually based on how attractive you think Orlando Bloom is. Tolkien's history of Middle-Earth provides us with some information about elvish sex lives."

I feel: -_- Tired and overworked...

2004-10-25T23:57:00.000-05:00

Jesus is Metal!

Quick: Would I burn in hell or would Justin want one of these shirts for his birthday? For the Lamb of God truly is a hardcore gamer.

I feel: o_0 Stressed!

2004-10-22T02:09:00.000-05:00

Consummate Weirdness

And one damn good point. SciFi to warp the mind! Is history malleable? Are we all little puppets on the stage of manipulation? Oh oh oh, it hurts. =! Time to earn a marketing degree and make a tinfoil hat.

I feel: Grinded -_-