And I descend...

5:45 AM.

The alarm clock flashes the time in an unceasing rhythm.

I sit awake, having finished pounding out my paper, playing my games, and getting dressed for bed.

I sit awake, listening to the sound of the computer fans, the flourencent lights, and the soft ba-boomp of bass several streets away.

I sit awake, thinking about life, direction, and focus.

I sit awake, and despair.




Softly the dawn creeps in.

Sneaks in like the thief, carrying the sun.

The thin metal of the blinds tries its best to stop it

But it can't.

Skeins of light stretch across the infinity of my room

Visible in the haze and darkness.

I sit awake, and despair.




My thoughts filter down from above,

Insecurities revealed, analyzed and stored

For later self-immolation.

Choices made and regretted,

Endlessly doomed to repeat

In the theater of the mind's eye.

I sit awake, and despair.




5:50 AM.

The flashing alarm clock burns its cheerful display

Of lost seconds, minutes, hours and years.

Time gone by, never to come again

The flash, saturating my vision

The red flash, illuminating my soul.

The bright red flash, burning away all I hold dear;

All I have to protect me from myself,

All I have to show the world the face it needs to see,

All I have to give of myself.




Warmer now, yet colder

Giving up shells of self

I never possessed.

Pieces of me fall away, to be scattered.

Who am I?

Less and less.

And yet more, and more satisfying

Crispy yet real, I wait for the end




The fans hum louder now

The bright light dims

A new day is dawning

Left behind is ash and smoke

Remenants of what used to be

Used up memories of earlier days

Happier days, days of laughter and friends.

The ash rains down, coating me

Me and my burnt-black bones.

For I sit awake, and despair.





I feel: 8| Depressed...