Anxiety All Consuming

I'm not cool. Hell, my friends don't even want to hang out with me any more. I've got other cool friends, so screw 'em, right? I hate to blow it, lose relationships, perhaps it's not all lost. Where am I going? What am I doing? Why the FUCK am I blowing my time? I've got so much to do. I've got so little time to do it. Life's coming fast like a runaway train and I'm standing like a deer in the headlights, staring, staring, staring. They close their doors and close their lives and push me out and hold me in and I'm lost and feeling it while she stands outside and they stand outside and talk around me like I never existed why don't I exist I don't really know but time is coming close to ending. I feel alone, cold, alone, standing outside looking in to my own life while the people inside are busy and happy and warm. Why can't I grasp this ring, why can't I bring myself to step into the breech take control take control take control of my destiny, my future so afraid so afraid so deep dark cold far and impossible iamlostandthislifeisneverendcalamity