Staring Out Over Yonezawa

Sitting on the bed, looking out over the small town that is Yonezawa. I decided to stay in tonight, the mad rush to get to the Hanagawa Festival wearing me out. The sunset was beautiful over the mountains - pinks and purples, descending into the wall of green. I really do love the outdoors. While living in a city is fun, I find I need to escape at least every few weeks. The pressure of the people and the pace is just overwhelming.

It is the same here in Japan. I was with a group of people for 6 weeks. Everyday, we dealt with each others peculiarities, odd expressions, or just plain creepiness. That being said, we held together extremely well. However, by the end, I was happy to see the train taking me to Kyushu - alone. Wandering alone in a country where you don't speak the language is a great experience. I truly believe that everyone should have a time in their life where they go somewhere completely unexpected and try and get by on wits and charisma. It is fun, enlivening, and, most importantly, habit forming. I cannot wait to go on another trip somewhere in the world. Maybe Mexico? Canada? Those are the easy ones. Europe? Russia? Better, better. I want to get to China someday as well, swing the entirity of the Pacific Rim.

I have met hatred and bigotry, I have met adoration and love, I have even met calculated denial and ignorance. Dealing with these, and with the people who express these emotions has made me a better person, or at least a better equipped person. To deal with these emotions and the emotions that they inspire in you helps you take care of similar issues in the future. It will also help me judge my reactions to people in my own country. Foriegners do not speak the language because they are ignorant - they don't speak it because they don't know it. While I've avoided this stereotype, I know people from my University days who have not. We're all people, with the same desires, wants, needs, and goals. We just have different ways of expressing them.

I hate having my emotions manipulated. This is the main reason why I dislike romantic comedies, etc. It's not because the sappy, crappy storylines - it's because they're tailored specifically to make me feel a certain way. It is the complete package - dialog, staging, voice, and music. In the end however, I always feel heavily manipulated, used even. What gave them the right to mess with my brain chemistry. That is the same reason why catchy jingles and much of the advertising also pisses me off. They are specifically trying to make you feel a certain way or do something not of your own volition. This I cannot stand for. Culture Jamming always makes me feel better though, even though I do not have enough opportunities to do it.

However, what about things you can't Jam? Hiroshima looms large in my memory. There have been TV specials all week about it. I lived there for 6 weeks. I've been to the museum, seen the effects, and felt the pressure. The pressure is nearly unbearable and it focuses on one thing - your complicit guilt in the whole situation. The experience is tailored to make you, the average American/visitor to Japan, feel like they need to apologize. You are made to apologize for something you didn't do, that you didn't help do, nor did you even agree with the decision at the time. There is a strong feeling of victimization that lasts even to today. I cannot apologize for the deaths of hundreds of thousands. I can't apologize for the missing lives, the horrible burns, and the radiation sickness. I can't make it better. Stop trying to make me feel like I can! Each step through attempts to manipulate you. You feel the words spilling out when Japanese people ask you about the genbaku: I'm sorry we did it to you. I feel a great sadness for the loss of life and destruction that occured. I know there was another way, and I always pray that there will never be another atomic bombing. Each of these statements share a specific element - the assumption of national guilt by a person of that nationality. I have no reason to feel guilty, yet I am still made to apologize. I hate it.

I feel: \_/ Worked up!