A Thought
Purpose.
Desire.
Success.
Powerful movies and deaths of people close to you makes you think about such things - I suppose it is a normal part of human existance.
I wonder what life is all about - you know, in the end of all things. There's a feeling of inadequacy when attempting to approach this question. How do you express the meaning of life? For the longest time, I have led my life by a simple credo: People have special talents - each one of us - and the goal is to discover what your talent is and use it for the best of humanity.
That being said, I'm failing miserably.
I possess a purpose. I know where I want to go with my life. I have goals - grandiose ones for certain, but goals nonetheless.
However, I lack the next piece - the desire. My drive is gone, most of the time. Perhaps I am feeling crushed and pressured by my environment, or perhaps I am just sick of biding my time. Whatever it is, the desire to complete my purpose is crumbling as I see other options and other people. They look happy... busy doing unsatisfying work so they can have the money to buy the things they think they need.
I know this, yet it seems so alluring. Perhaps I'm tired of fighting the world.
Whatever it is, I need a change. If my admission to USF goes through, this could be just what I need to break out.
2 Comments:
Expecting to be the exception? Never. The rulemaker? Definitely. =)
2:01 PM
Ya, if only he became a monk like Justin wants him too, his life would be full.
Anyway, the problem is you aren't willing to commit yourself to anything. I think the reason for that is two fold... hmmm... three fold (damn, that's not a saying, I can't think of one for three, so that's what is going ther). 1) you don't want to miss out on anything, 2) you don't want to commit to something and then find something better and either be "stuck" with what you picked or have to switch and have a lot of wasted time, 3) with many things you aren't willing to be realistic.
Know that you can't experience everything. You just fucking can't, that's how it is. Just go look at your web space, I don't feel like counting them but that should be enough proof that you can't do everything, and that unless you commit to one thing you'll never get anything done. One of the bigger problems is that you truely believe, at least in the spure of the moment that you can do it all at once. I mean when you sit and think, I've heard you say, "Man, I can't believe I thought I'd get all that shit done." but most of the time you still convince your self that you can get all of it done and until you break yourself of this, you will never get anything done.
I honestly don't think you're going to just stumble on the coolest thing ever, that's going to blow all things out of the water and it is going to obvious to you that that's what you want to do for the rest of your life. Not only that, but I don't think even if you spent all your time searching that you'd find something that would be that compelling to you. Ther are very few people that happens too. I mean wtf, Jane Goodal (the crazy lived with apes for 8 years lady).... and who the fuck else?
You have a hand full of passions that you don't seem very interested in pursueing (games, computers, etc.) and one or two that you are pursuing but only in very broad strokes. You want to do "robotics that will somehow make the world better". That's pretty mother fucken broad. That's hardly better than not knowing what you want to do. And to me, the ass end of that makes it worse than not knowing what you want to do.... You can't go out expecting to change the world for the better. Everyone that has changed the world had a razor sharp vision of what they wanted to change and had a vision of how it should be changed. They also were only one in a movement of many, all working towards a goal that directly affected them and they were willing to die for the goal and even if it wasn't attained in ther lifetime, they wanted it changed for ther children or future generations. Ther is no goal that you feel a 10th of that much convition for. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, ther isn't some nearly as compelling as fighting off the british, forming a new country, abolishing slavery, stoping the massive racial inequality of the past.... Sure ther are problems out ther, but ther isn't anything nearly that compelling... And as much as you wish you were, a Martin Luther King you aren't...
I feel ther's more that needs to be said, but I don't currently have the words....
9:14 PM
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